Help Your Kids Thrive – Not Just Survive – In the Car

A common hell for parents and kids alike is the dreaded road trip or long car ride. Primed for impatience, inevitable poorly timed bathroom breaks, and incessant whining about needing more snacks, a long car ride can test the patience of any parent. But these trips can be important teaching tools and can even be fun when you have a solid game plan.  

What’s the secret to an enjoyable drive? This may surprise you, but it isn’t a smartphone, Ipad, tablet, Kindle, game console or other media device (Screen Time Matters; Benefits of Screen Time Breaks). In fact, a pride point in our family is that we almost never need to use a device on our travels. 

I have fond memories of car trips from my youth (in the pre-device era) – family road trips, adventures with friends, or even just a long drive on my own. Driving was always sort of peaceful for me – few distractions, pretty or interesting scenery, a chance to put on my favorite music, feel the wind on my face, or simply observe the world around me.  

I wanted my kids to also have this experience – to view the car as a place to engage in mindfulness, watch the world, or just be alone with their thoughts. Because of this, I never set the expectation that car rides needed entertainment, and I certainly never put a device in their hands at the start of a journey. Our frame for car rides was different – viewing a trip as an opportunity for mindfulness, conversation, or fun.  

In the busy modern world we live in, opportunities to unplug and just be are hard to come by. There are always places to be, things to do, and distractions to be had. We have precious few moments to sit alone with our thoughts or have a heart-to-heart talk. But the car is a great place for that. Here are 3 tips for making car rides not only tolerable, but enjoyable. 

Tip 1: Mindful Moments  

Encourage your kids to sit quietly and notice the world around them. Ask them to find something pretty or interesting on the drive. Give them some time with silence and then ask what is on their minds, or what they are thinking. With younger kids, mindfulness can be facilitated by games like “I Spy” or an observational task (a recent favorite in our car was trying to guess how many construction vehicles we would see on our journey, and then trying to find and count them along the way). Activities like this help your kids focus on the environment around them and to notice things they might otherwise miss. This also offers a nice opportunity to “stop and smell the roses” by noticing and appreciating beauty in the world – pretty flowers, a glimmering lake, fluffy clouds, colorful leaves, sparkling snow, the chirping of birds in the springtime. Mindful car rides or even mindful moments on a trip can be relaxing and refreshing, and have the added bonus of being good for us (Benefits of Mindfulness). 

Tip 2: Sing or Talk  

Parents rarely have protected time with their kids in the absence of other distractions (re: texts, calls, or emails), but the car is the perfect place for that. A great family policy is that phones should be tucked away and ignored (unless used for directions), which means the car ride becomes just you and your kids in shared space. What a wonderful opportunity to talk to them or to have some fun together. One-on-one car rides are great for those heart-to-heart conversations (with the added bonus that your child can’t just walk away or run up to their room in the middle of the conversation). Music can also be a source of mindfulness and joy. Let your kids make a playlist for the car, or create a family playlist with songs everyone loves and can sing along to. In the warmer weather our driving motto is “windows down, tunes up!” and the start of a car ride is met with excitement instead of eye rolling or groans. Some of the best conversations I’ve had with my kids have been in the car, as well as some of the most fun sing-a-longs. In the absence of the option to just zone out with a device, you’ll be amazed at how much time you have to connect. 

Tip 3: Play a Game 

Kids certainly do need some “entertainment” in the car, especially on long trips, and mindfulness and chatting can only get you so far. Which is why playing some games together can be a great way to pass the time. Games can be anything from educational (think spelling challenges, math problems, trivia contests) to funny or silly (“Would You Rather?” questions, telling jokes) to thought-provoking (grab a book of word problems or riddles). Younger kids might like simple games like “Guess the Animal” or trying to see how many of something they can think of that start with a certain letter (e.g. foods, animals, states).  

If this feels radically new or different for your family, don’t despair! Small changes can make a big difference over time. Don’t focus on what you are taking away, instead start your next car trip with a question “Who wants to play a game in the car today?” They may not even notice the absence of the screen if you frame what you are doing as exciting and fun. You can also start with shorter car trips to help get your kids used to the idea. It might help to lean into some friendly competition too (whoever can make it the longest without asking for ___ gets to choose dinner tonight!). Moody teenager? Maybe offer to let them choose the music (within reason) and share with the family why they like the song/band.

Some props may also be helpful – a digital drawing pad, a book of word searches or crosswords, a magnetic checkers or chess board. There are endless options and ways to keep your kids engaged that don’t involve zoning out with a screen. I won’t pretend we have never used a screen in our car – we certainly have at times, but in limited ways (e.g. a 10-minute video or game break). We try to save this as a “last resort” when nothing else is working or at the end of a very long car ride when the kids are really getting antsy. Most of the time, this isn’t needed, and our kids are used to (and even enjoy!) the 3 options offered above. 

Give it a try – you may find less dread and more joy on your next (long, car ride) journey!

Joy in the Journey, 

J & J