Being Enough

If you are anything like me, you do a lot for other people. We give time, energy, thought, worry and so much else to the people who are important to us. While I love taking care of others, it can also be exhausting. And despite my best efforts… I often find myself wondering if what I am doing is enough. 

Enough – what a loaded concept. This can show up in so many different ways. In the form of questions like: Am I doing enough? Am I ready enough? Or simply, am I “enough?” In the busy and demanding extension of oneself to so many people, places, and causes it can be easy to lose sight of the definition of “enough”. 

In both my work and personal lives, I have no problem finding love and compassion for other people. I can understand, empathize, reframe, support, and give so much leeway and grace to the people I care about. 

But for many of us, we fail to shine that compassionate light onto ourselves, rather focusing on the negatives or giving into our insecurities or self-criticism. While I don’t consciously think about this very often, I am aware that these tiny negative blips occur all the time in my daily life. As a busy, middle-aged working parent, I often feel that I am not good enough in at least one aspect of my life at any given time. Have I been doing well at work or putting in long hours? I find myself worrying that this must be at the expense of being there enough for my kids. Am I doing everything I can for/with my kids? Then perhaps I am hindering my success at work or feel like I am phoning it in.

With so many competing demands and so many people and things that need or expect something from us, it feels impossible to consistently do it all well. And despite the fact that we are meeting the needs, keeping up with demands, and getting everything done well enough most of the time, we criticize rather than celebrate ourselves. 

This criticism extends to many aspects of our lives. For instance, I know that I find at least one point of dissatisfaction with myself any time I look in the mirror. I eat reasonably well, I get some form of exercise almost daily, and I spend more money than I would like to admit on nice skincare products. And yet what I see mostly are forehead wrinkles, crows feet, cellulite, the dreaded “wiggles and jiggles” of my middle-aged post-kid body (that has never been as lean or defined as I want it to be), and a host of other imperfections. I feel somewhat self-conscious in public when I am not wearing makeup or when I am running around in casual clothes. I will often think strategically before posing for a picture about camera angles and how to hide any perceived issues.

This is what I see… but I know it isn’t what other people see (or at least, not the people who matter). I was reminded of this today, when I was playing basketball in our driveway with the kids after school. After about 45 minutes of chasing balls, playing defense, throwing passes, and taking shots, I went over to sit on our stoop. It had been a long day at work, I had picked up and fed the kids, played for a bit in the August heat, and I needed a minute to just chill. 

My little one came over to me a few minutes later and started rifling through the bushes nearby. When I asked him what he was doing, he turned around to face me, with a single sunflower he had picked in his outstretched hand, and the sweetest look in his eyes. “I picked this flower for you, Mommy, because I think that you are so pretty.” And in that moment, as my eyes welled a bit with tears and love, the rest of the world just stopped. It was the most poignant reminder of the fact that sometimes other people see us so differently than we see ourselves. We give others so much more compassion and grace than we ever give ourselves. On this August eve I felt tired, hot, and sweaty – but to the little boy in front of me, I was beautiful. He didn’t see wrinkles, dark circles, or yoga pants. He saw his mom, sitting quietly, looking pretty. 

Imagine how much better we would feel if we took the time to see ourselves how others see us. If we focused less on the negatives or imperfections and spent more time reflecting on the successes, strengths, and things we do like about ourselves. Tonight, when I looked in the mirror I smiled – I felt beautiful, I felt seen. I felt comfortable and confident in who I am and what I look like. My goal will be to carry this positivity into tomorrow too – I have that sunflower sitting on my windowsill as a sweet reminder that yes, I am enough.

I am so grateful to my son for reminding me of this very important lesson today. This brief interaction stayed with me all night and felt important enough to sit down and write about. The next time you feel like you aren’t enough, think about what a close friend, trusted colleague, or even a child might say about you. And the next time a friend, coworker, family member, or stranger pays you a compliment, we invite you to really listen and to take a minute to take it in. Without rationalizing, criticizing, or minimizing. Simply take it in. Try to see yourself the way others see you. Who knows? Maybe this will help you feel like “enough” too.

Joy in the Journey, 

J & J     

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