During my very intentional Self-Care Summer, I spent the day at a spa facility with a good friend. She encouraged me to try a Korean Body Scrub, a spa service I had yet to experience. While I was skeptical, I gave it a try, and I’m so glad I did. Because to me, it became much more than a scrubbing experience. It took me on a body image journey.
Body image has been a lifelong struggle for me. Like many of us, at different points in my life my body has looked and felt differently – bigger, smaller, pregnant, more or less toned, more or less jiggly and wiggly. But what has remained, despite the number on the scale or the size of my pants, is deeply ingrained judgment and self-consciousness about my body and how it looked.
I’m used to removing clothing under low-light conditions only, changing in the bathroom, and sucking in my stomach or posing strategically for pictures. While I have worked hard to make peace with my body shape and size (which will never be as trim or tight as I would like), I have never fully moved through the baseline self-consciousness I have lived with since adolescence.
So when my friend suggested I try the Korean Body Scrub, I figured, why not? I have had body treatments before and always found them enjoyable. But this was an experience I could not have predicted. I presented to the scrub in my bathrobe and was met with a small but mighty Asian matriarch who commanded me with the confidence and force of a trained military officer. “Robe off! Lay down! Flip!”
In bright, fluorescent light I was instructed to lay naked on a table to be washed, exfoliated, scrubbed and smoothed. I can’t remember a time where I was ever so physically exposed (especially under such harsh lighting conditions!). She scrubbed me voraciously in a way that caused everything to move and wiggle in ways my skin had not moved and wiggled before. My first reaction was palpable discomfort bordering on panic. This can’t be! I need dim lights! I need (at least the illusion of) modesty!
I had two choices – white knuckle through it, tense and awkward, or give myself over to the process. With some deep breaths and conscious reframing (yes, we use skills too!), I was able to relax into what was occurring and even find some enjoyment in it. I sat there, envisioning years of self-consciousness and body shame melting away with each layer the woman scrubbed off me. She was so nonchalant about it that it became contagious, and I found myself smiling about the excess movement and surprisingly enjoying the process.
In addition to glowing skin and feeling cleaner than I ever have in my life (seriously… a regular shower will never quite feel the same), I found pleasure and liberation in the experience. For a short period of time, I felt free and comfortable in my body and was able to relinquish all the judgment that is normally there.
I want to take this experience with me – this liberated acceptance of the self, this newfound joy in my body with all of its imperfections, and the ability to let go of the familiar critique of my body. We all have the opportunity to look for ways to experience freedom and comfort in our bodies – it is possible to reshape and refine our attitudes and to meet ourselves with more grace and compassion. And I know when I forget or find myself slipping back into those old habits – I can head back to the spa for a lovely reminder and some helpful re-experiencing.
Joy in the Journey,
J&J
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Meet Drs. Jessica Lawson & Jennifer Doran
Jess and Jenn are clinical psychologists, working parents, colleagues and friends. We believe in the the power of psychology and in having a connected and supportive community – a village. Our Blog posts and videos are designed to be short in nature – something you can tune into for 5 minutes a day or less.
