Forget about Self-Care – Just Go Have Fun

In recent decades, “self-care” has certainly been a buzzword that has popped up again and again. At times, this has felt like an encouraging suggestion or has served to give us “permission” to take time for ourselves. At other times, self-care feels like yet another directive or item on our to-do lists that we are failing miserably at.  

Whether you are juggling a career, trying to balance work and family demands, or in a full-time parenting or caregiving role – the struggle is real. Demands are high, time is low, and a good day is one that just involves the normal routine chaos and stress. Modern life is busy, complicated, and over-stimulating with fast-paced schedules, constant tasks needing attention, and the never-ending onslaught of communication (re: multiple, endless emails, texts, or other alerts from the many institutions and networks that comprise our daily lives). 

Finding time for anything resembling “self-care” can range from hard to seemingly impossible.

Self-care can be conceptualized in many ways, with the National Institutes of Health (NIH) defining it as “taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health” (Caring for your Mental Health).  

For a long time, for me this meant finding ways to “check out” of normal life – going somewhere private/quiet to unwind/relax, laying on a beach alone, or treating myself to a massage or spa day. While this time is precious and lovely, it is hard to come by, and does require more of a full check-out. And let’s get real – it isn’t easy to fully check out with so much going on all the time, and the problem is that checking back in can feel unwelcome and even stir up feelings of resentment. 

Don’t get me wrong – I treasure my spa time when I can get it and fully support self-care in all its forms. But we know that self-care is hard to accomplish (Self Care is Hard) and that for many, feeling that they are failing at self-care just causes more frustration or other negative thoughts/feelings. So I want to offer an alternative – a way to “reframe” self-care and what it can look like in your life. If the traditional framework of self-care isn’t quite working for you, I would like to suggest something different. Forget the gym, the spa, that healthy salad for dinner, and that early bedtime. Forget it all – and just go have fun. 

Last year I was chatting with a few Mom friends about the tedium of our kids’ sports schedules. While watching our kids play sports is of course enjoyable, spending so much time on the sidelines can be draining. With two active boys, sports play a big role in our lives and a normal week consists of multiple practices/games for baseball, basketball, and soccer. It’s a lot – with almost every day slated for some sort of activity. Even the most sports-loving parents can start to feel bored with always being in the spectator role and never being the one out on the field. One day, the idea of a Mom league came up. “Wouldn’t it be fun for us to play a sport?” “Why do the kids get to have all the fun?” “I really miss when I used to play ______.” 

So when I recently saw a PSA that a Mom in our school was starting a softball team, I (and a few close friends!) jumped at the chance. While I had to metaphorically dust off the old glove and overcome some anxiety about committing to a team (not to mention my athletic ability in my 40s!), it sounded so fun that I was willing to put that aside and try something different and new. 

And what fun it has been! It certainly hasn’t made the weekly schedule any easier, and I’ve taken more trips to the chiropractor than I care to admit, but I’m so glad I am doing it. For me, playing on the team has brought a new sense of joy and accomplishment and been a wonderful form of “self-care.” Whether or not I make that out or have a good hit in the game, I am having a blast. I am off the sidelines and on the field and have the incredible satisfaction of seeing my kids cheer me on (not to mention the opportunity to model important life lessons like hard work, practice, sportsmanship… and that not winning is, in fact, tolerable). I feel their love and support, I see their excitement and pride, and… it feels great! Whether it’s a “Mommy, I think you should get MVP if you keep hitting like that!” or a “I give you two thumbs up for hitting, but I think your throwing could use some work” I love that they are active and involved and seeing their hard-working Mom also have some fun. 

So whatever fun looks like for you – try that next time you feel stressed, frazzled, burnt out, or in a rut.

It may not help you feel well-rested or all zen, but I guarantee it does wonders for your mood and mental health. So dust off that glove, stay up late and go dancing, take in a comedy show, ski a challenging slope, hop on a horse and go for a ride, or go trampoline jumping with your kids next time instead of scrolling on your phone from the sidelines. 

Fun is good for the soul – and that is a whole other world of “self-care” to explore! 

Joy in the Journey, 

J & J