At YVJ, we know that sometimes life throws us curveballs. Despite our best efforts and meticulous planning, life can get in the way – big time. What we do when it all falls apart matters – we can let the curveballs knock us out or find a way to persevere in spite of them.
My own coping skills were tested recently during a particularly rough couple of weeks. In my busiest month at work, where every second really does count, we had a series of unexpected illnesses in the house – one kid with strep throat, one with a nasty cough, me with some sort of flu. As soon as we started to get back on our feet, a vicious stomach bug cycled through the house – with a new family member falling ill every 2 days like clockwork. Nothing like a week of vomit to completely derail your best laid plans and in my case – important work deadlines!
What I wanted to do was cry, scream, and simply bemoan how unfair life is. Why me? Why now? Really – this has to happen this month?! While this response is valid (we all need a productive vent session from time to time!), and while I did admittedly start to go down this path, staying stuck in the misery and the “why me” of it all often only adds fuel to the fire. Negative thinking can easily spiral and result in a slew of negative emotions, so giving in to it usually only makes things worse.
What I did instead was to remind myself of a psychological skill called “Radical Acceptance” – which means working towards fully acknowledging and accepting the present moment with all its discomfort or unpleasantness. Not trying to change it, not wishing it wasn’t so, but simply accepting – freely and fully – whatever it is that you cannot change. Radical Acceptance is a distress tolerance skill – something we do in periods of heightened stress or distress, to help us get through the bad moments, without making things worse or letting them spiral into bigger problems. The practice of Radical Acceptance involves not wasting emotional energy on things like anger or blame, focusing instead on what is in your power to change or control and how to move forward from a difficult situation or circumstance.
Like most helpful behaviors, Radical Acceptance can certainly be easier said than done. It takes intention, and it takes practice. But ultimately, it is worth the effort and will help reduce the angst of whatever unpleasant circumstances are in front of you. Periods of chaos, tension, and stress are not here forever. Taking a breath, channeling acceptance, and stopping the misery or pity spiral will help reduce the negative thoughts and feelings and help you find your way back to a more balanced center.
So the next time Vomit Week or another malady strikes your house or life, try to invite in Radical Acceptance. This strategy allows you to ride the wave of emotion without letting it take over and consume you, and remember that better and brighter days are right around the corner.
Joy in the Journey,
J & J
We want to hear from you! Connect with us or “ask the experts” here: https://yourvillagejourney.com/connect-with-us/
Follow us on social media for real-time tips and information: Facebook Instagram X
Subscribe to YVJ to get posts delivered right to your inbox: Join Our Village
Share this article...
Meet Drs. Jessica Lawson & Jennifer Doran
Jess and Jenn are clinical psychologists, working parents, colleagues and friends. We believe in the the power of psychology and in having a connected and supportive community – a village. Our Blog posts and videos are designed to be short in nature – something you can tune into for 5 minutes a day or less.
